


Mess

by mehsarah



Series: Forget Regret (or life is yours to miss) [1]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Self-Doubt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 20:39:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8637310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehsarah/pseuds/mehsarah
Summary: It's crazy how one sight can make someone this much of a mess.





	

**Author's Note:**

> im such trash for these two goodbye

Newt sighed at the display of him in the mirror. He had traded his usual attire for a pair of elegant maroon robes and although it was a beautiful flowing piece it looked wrong on him and he felt uncomfortable. Telling himself he needed to make a good impression on the editor,this was about the future of his book, Newt decided to ask Credence for his opinion. Hopefully he would be more helpful than Pickett, who had insisted on him wearing his usual stuff and now sat on the top of the mirror and shot him judging looks.

Grabbing the second black option off the hanger he was ready to go but Pickett pouted and pointed to an arrangement of clothes inspired by what muggles called suits. Queenie had given it to him. She said it reminded her of Jacob. "You want me to consider that one too?" The bowtruckle nodded enthusiastically, the insulted expression gone at once. "Well, fine." Newt said and scooped the pants, jacket, shirt, tie and belt up. Pickett hopped on his shoulder and they made their way to Credence's bedroom.

Pale fingers turned the pages of a heavy book. They belonged to Credence and although they were still as pale as ever,they weren't as bony since he had someone who paid attention to his eating habits. The book in front of him was 'The Standard Book of Spells,Grade 2' . Newt had been incredibly proud when they finished working on Grade 1 after only a few months. Newt always seemed to be proud of him. For getting out of bed, for going shopping in crowds, for talking to him. And he never failed to tell him that. It was absurd and nice at the same time to be praised for something that was usually seen as normal for him to do and to get encouraged when he failed. Newt was a miracle.

A knock on the wooden door made him look up from his book. " Credence? It's me." And this was another thing. He was used to people busting into his room and personal space. Newt asked before and when Credence let him in he was being respectful and careful and considerate. A miracle. " Come in." he called and shut the book close. The familiar kind eyes met his as Newt pushed himself trough the door. It was hard to tear away his gaze from them, but he did after a few seconds to study the rest of him. He was wearing robes, like he had seen on a lot of formal wizards and there was another one hanging over his left arm, in black. Credence pulled up his eyebrows in confusion. He had never thought of Newt as a formal person. Further on that arm was a jacket and a shirt, like he was used to which only made him wonder more. Why would Newt wear muggle clothes? Then his gaze went over to the other arm where fitting pants and a tie where crammed in the same fashion. And Newts hand holding a belt.

The rest of his vision blurred, only that one object was way more present than he liked. Clutching onto the bedsheets he was sitting on he tried to figure out what he did wrong. With horror he realised that he had let his guard incredible down the last few weeks. Trusting Newt still seemed hard but being comfortable with him was way too easy when the mans smile made him want to do the same, when his gaze was like a candle in the darkness of his thoughts, when his words were more healing than the spells he learned about and his touch made his skin feel like sunbeams fell on it. He had said a lot of things he would have never dared to say in front of his mother or Percival. Too much feeling, too personal, too happy, too sad, too provoking. These things alone would get him hurt back then. But Newt was okay with feelings and personal, made his happy happier and his sad more bearable, challenged his provoking. He probably didn't want to do that anymore. Or never did. Or he had realised how useless he was, how much of a burden,how he deserved the pain in his past and the one about to come.

Newts eyes widened in confusion. When he had entered the room Credence had seemed fine. His wandering gaze had made him feel more tingly than he liked to admit and his lips had formed a smile. And then his gaze had frozen a few seconds ago and his hand had clutched the bedsheets so hard it almost looked skeleton-like. He could see Credence falling into fear which had wiped away his smile immediately. And then he saw what his gaze was fixed on and felt guilt wash over him. He should have known. He had seen it in the deathpotion, heard it in muttered pleadings in nightmares he woke him up from and then in choked out sentences while holding him and going through his messy, grown out hair. He should have known.

Dropping everything he was holding at once he jumped forward and immediately regretted it when Credence responded with crouching farther onto the bed and burying his head in his shaking palms. Forcing himself to remain calm Newt took a step back. He knew the other one couldn't see it but it was important to him that he wasn't anywhere Credence didn't feel comfortable with him being. Putting all his concern and love into his voice he softly called out: "Credence?" . As a reply he got a cracked sob and it took all of Newts restraint to not eliminate the distance between them at once. "Credence, I'm not going to hurt you." He continued as calm as possible. "I came to get advice on these stupid clothes. I'm sorry I didn't consider...that. I wouldn't even think about doing you harm."

A few seconds were spent in silence. Newt hoped Credence would be able to understand the words. "Why?" the word was slurred and muffled by his hands. "Why wouldn't you want to?" Well,that was an easy question. Newt knew the answer but on the other hand he had never been good at putting his feelings into words. Too awkward, too stuttering. He opened his mouth and just let his thoughts stream out: "Because I wake up and realise I get to spend time with you and am happy. Because you're in awe about things that seemed normal to me all my life and because I'm in awe at the wonders inside of you. Because with every layer of fear disappearing a new beautiful trait of you comes back to life that you were forced to hide. Because you bite your nails when you look at me and think im not seeing you. "

A sound that almost sounded like a chuckle came from Credence. "You noticed that?" Newt smiled in thought. "Yeah. I love noticing little things about you." And then Credence looked up and although the tears staining his face filled Newt with pain a smile creeped onto the other ones lips. "Well,you bite your lip when you look at me thinking i'm not seeing it." And they collectively smiled in this mess of a situation. "Can I come over to you?" Newt asked and recieved a firm nod. Sliding next to Credence on the bed he planned his next steps. "Can I touch your hand?" A second nod. Newt carefully placed his hand on the smaller, paler one and drew slow circles on it with his fingers.

They sat like this, for what seemed like a few minutes. Credence has started to relax, focusing on Newts soft touches. But when his mind isn't fogged with fear anymore the thoughts start to creep in again. "I'm sorry I'm so much of a burden. You have every reason to punish me. I don't get why you don't." Newt studied his pained expression without letting go of the hand. "You heard what i told you back there, right? The reasons." A nod. "Well, I meant every word of it and the list is growing everyday I learn something new about you. And nothing, absolutely nothing justifies hurting anyone like you've been hurt." And with that tears shot into Credence's eyes again and he buried his head in Newts robes. Newts hands moved into the black soft streaks of hair. "Can you tell me something?" he whispered. "What about more reasons why I like you?" This time Newt is sure the noise Credence makes is a chuckle. "Before you start,I think you should wear what you always wear to where ever you're going." Pickett, who has placed himself on the nightstand without being seen screeched in victory.

**Author's Note:**

> pls correct any mistakes,i'm german.i might turn this into a series if im not too busy with school ew like they're not really together in this,its just a build up and i really wanna write them getting together


End file.
